Marvel spent the 1980s and 1990s selling their movie rights to pretty much anyone who came along, and it resulted in a lot of bad movies, many of which took forever to be released, if they were released at all. This week, the great superhero movie rewatch looks at two that never got a theatrical release, and really didn’t deserve one. I suffered through the 1990 Captain America and the 1994 Fantastic Four so you don’t have to! You’re welcome….
What’s particularly appalling about Captain America is how utterly ineffectual the title character is. In fact, he’s practically irrelevant. In World War II, he only goes on one mission, and he pretty much fails at it, getting his ass kicked in nothing flat. Yes, he saves the White House (though, again, why did he wait until after the transatlantic flight to kick the tail?), but that’s the sum total of his accomplishments in this movie. Kimball got himself free from his cell, at which point he called the Marines in, and that was pretty much it for the Skull. Without Cap there, he never would have even armed the bomb. And it’s only because Cap was present that Kolawetz and Bernie are killed and Bernie’s husband is wounded. The hero of World War II only went on one top-secret mission, and then he was on ice for fifty years. If it wasn’t for Sharon, he wouldn’t have found out anything about the Skull, and she’s as effective in storming the Skull’s HQ as Cap himself.