In the comics world, whoever knows fear burns at the Man-Thing’s touch. In the film world, whoever knows fear has probably just been told that they have to watch this awful awful movie. Points for a pre-Hawaii Five-O Alex O’Loughlin and a pre-Jessica Jones Rachael Taylor, but that little bit of trivia is all this misbegotten horror disaster has going for it. The great superhero movie rewatch slogs through the 2005 adaptation of Marvel’s Man-Thing.
But every character in this is a tiresome, idiotic stereotype, from the square-jawed hero to the eccentric weirdo to the compassionate schoolteacher to the slimy-yet-charismatic primary bad guy to the yokel thugs working for the bad guy to the abstruse Native who talks in riddles and mystical warnings. It’s a spectacularly lazy script over a spectacularly boring and predictable plot.